Last week, we asked you to tell us your dating secrets (or, as we like to call them, your sex tips). A lot of the advice was pretty standard—you should shower, eat right, wear clean clothes, and so on. Other tips were just plain crazy—you should use a condor’s wing to wash your genitals and recut your nails to look like birds’ claws.
Most of your tips were smart and practical, and they would all help with any dating scenario. We narrowed it down to the best advice you had for improving your dating life, which we then turned into a ranking of 10 tips to help you kick dating butt.
Top photo by Angie Riga.
10. “Act the same way everywhere.”
We had a lot of tips on this one. Other than not committing a crime, you should be the same person in every situation, regardless of the context. Don’t be late, don’t expect the world, and don’t talk to people you don’t know. This sounds basic, but we actually had lots of people tell us they didn’t take their phones when they first went on a date or walk someone home when they were interested in more. Other tips involved being polite and remaining calm.
“I’ve heard from people that if you want to attract a man you must be submissive and like pleasing men. Which is BS. I think it is true if you are a woman that has a terrible relationship with a male. But not at all if you are not into it and not willing to be a submissive.” – Tony, 19, New Jersey
“You want to act like you are not into it. The reason being you want to build that wall of protection and it’s hard to be in too deep with someone if you have a wall and you aren’t letting the other person in. This was a big one for me for quite a while. I used to get on a date and tell the woman her butt was too big or her hair was fake or something like that. I was so afraid of getting too close and hurting her feelings that I really held myself back. I am very confident and independent and wasn’t willing to make my best effort to be there for her. I wish I could have known ahead of time that was a bad habit for a relationship to start with!” – Nate, 27, New York City
“Act like someone is buying you a drink. Be nice, but not too much https://www.sumy-romantic.com/top_reasons_to_use_adultsearch_in_ukraine_order_sex_online.html
Part of the reason dating can be so intimidating is that we tend to think of ourselves as “one person” when we’re on our own and a different person when we’re with another person. We imagine that if we make a mistake, we aren’t going to do or say something crazy when we’re alone. We believe that if we are with someone else, they’ll be able to make us better person than we are alone. For most people, that’s not the case.
But we all do that. We get way more crazy in public than we do in private. We are more sensitive, more empathetic, more open, and—god forbid—we’ll say something that doesn’t come out right when we’re with someone else. But the reality is that you probably won’t be that different with someone than you are on your own. It’s a logical fallacy that being with someone else makes us better versions of ourselves.
The best advice to date: By now, you should know that we aren’t perfect and everyone has faults. Because of this, you should be willing to go to places you wouldn’t normally go when alone. Think about it: You might be eating at a place you never eat at alone—a club, restaurant, or a fancy coffeeshop—and you see something out of place. Something that doesn’t look quite right. In public, you say nothing, but when you’re with someone else, you stop to take a closer look. You explain to them what’s wrong, you note it to the manager, and you politely ask for their help. You see something out of place and don’t ignore it, and you go to find someone to help you.
That’s the thing to remember about dating. If you have a pet peeve about something when you’re alone, chances are it’s going to come out during a date because you are sensitive, and you feel like you’re letting your partner down by being unfaithful to their perceptions of you. In public, you’re not. You’re happy to admit what you think is wrong about your ex’s new dog, your parents’ cruise, or your friendship with a boy or girl. You talk about it. You call it out, and then you move on. But you’re also willing to call your friends out on it, admit it to your family, and try to fix the problem.
If that seems contradictory, it’s because the act of admitting an error is one of the hardest