Hinge Dating Website and Hinge App

Why Tell a Date the Real You, Instead of the Aliases You’ve Learned to Live With

Let’s face it: We all have secret aliases. Whether it’s “the beer drinking, stoner roommate” you call when you’ve had a few drinks, “the OCD person who pees in the kitchen sink,” or the list of first names you go with when you get nervous, your phone friends are a big part of your world, and much of what you’re wearing, talking about, and doing can be considered an act. They’re how you project an image for others to perceive and judge. Here’s the catch: Your phone friends are your only friends. They know you only as a shell you constantly project, not as a person that you are. So, when you do begin talking to that cute guy you met on OKCupid, he may not know that you’re a great cook, outgoing, and intelligent. He may not know about the time you decided to take an improv class at your local community college.

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The Bad Guys: Flirting You’re not imagining it—it is really hard to tell the difference between someone who wants a relationship and someone who’s just being friendly. It all starts with the same basic set of gestures: looking at each other, eye contact, and questions that reveal some level of interest.

The difference is a result of subtle signals. If a guy holds your coffee for you, it could simply be a thoughtful gesture. If he asks how your day was, he could actually want to know. But if he tells you about himself right away—i.e., starts talking about his job, his hobbies, or his parents before you’ve given him your number—that’s a less-than-subtle way of telling you that he’s interested in you only as a friend.

The Worse Guys: Texting You’ve come across these guys before: the person who seems interested, the one who can quote the hell out of a song, the one who tries to get to know you, but doesn’t actually want to go on a date. The difference between the guys who text you and the guys who text back isn’t a bad match, but it’s a bad hookup. The difference is time and energy. It’s as though they’ve committed to getting to know you, only to throw in the towel.

The Why: This is a normal part of dating, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Many guys have this “silly stage” when they are just looking to have some fun with a pretty girl. However, girls feel compelled to keep them around, as silly as they may seem, because of the potential benefits. They are not brain-dead, and they are not completely oblivious to you. They just don’t have a clue how to date you. But if you respond to their text messages by doing things like going out or having sex, they will continue to text with you hoping you will one day reciprocate.

The Countertactics: Say no. The best course of action is to treat texting like a third date. Even if a guy is interested, if he does not ask you out (or at least text you) within 24 hours of when you last texted with him, it is a safe bet that he is not interested in getting to know you any further. If he still doesn’t ask you to meet up when you text, it’s best to tell him where he can go to find a girl who can put up with him.

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